Monthly Archives: June 2011

Intense Baby Stroller Hatred

I hate baby strollers. Yes. I said it. I hate them. I feel like they shouldn’t be allowed in malls because they are usually being guided through tiny aisles by clueless mothers who are trying to shop. Can’t you leave … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Ear Buds

Have you ever noticed how you can’t put a right ear headphone in with your left hand? Same thing the other way around. An ear bud can only feel properly in place and comfortable if it is put in by … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wheel Of Fortune Prize Puzzle

Sometimes when I watch Wheel Of Fortune and the winner of the round can’t correctly guess the final prize puzzle, I wonder if the crew who came up with that puzzle are all high five-ing eachother like “We did it! … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Toenail Polish

Toenail polish should come with the following rules that I have made up. These rules should be followed for proper toenail care so that I don’t have to be grossed out by sandal-wearing humans: 1. Colored toenails are recommended since … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

No Questions Asked

You know how people always say you can drop an unwanted baby at a Fire Station, Church or Hospital and there will be NO QUESTIONS ASKED? I feel like this is yet another societal lie. It’s just an urban myth … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Settle Yourself

You know those asshole people who join adult recreational sports leagues and take it so seriously that they become psycho dictators who have to call every play, play every position at once, and sigh when you strike out or make … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 1 Comment

I Can Get Married Now

Upon news that the state of New York passed a same-sex marriage bill today, my friend Scott sent me a text. Scott: I can get married in New York now. But I still don’t want to. Me: I can get … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment