98 Degrees, the boyband from the 90’s, reunited on the Today Show this morning after a ten year hiatus. You probably remember them as the four-man boyband who tried to outwit the other boybands of the time by straying from the proven five-man formula. They had sub-par hits, likely songs that weren’t good enough for the Backstreet Boys, like “Invisible Man” and “Because of You” that every now and then, can be heard ever so slightly in the canned vegetable aisle at the supermarket.
Although my storied boyband loyalty is to the Backstreet Boys, I do have a deep and profound love for Nick Lachey. He’s an all-American, sex-oozing, hot piece of charming, genuine man. He’s the closest thing–that actually exists on Earth–to the perfect man I’ve invented in my mind. The following was a conversation I had with my co-worker, Richard about their performance and the lust I have for Nick Lachey:
Me: They didn’t sing “Una Noche”. But Nick Lachey is still hot. And that other guy.
Richard: That is their best song!! They must hate it.
Me: I think it’s too involved. It was above their skill level at the time. Imagine it now.
Richard: Heeey (in my gay voice)
Me: I fucking need a man like Nick Lachey. He’s the ultimate man.
Richard: Did he cheat on Jessica?
Me: NO! As if. He went sexless for years because of her!
Me: He’s gatta be the most well-rounded man on the planet.
Richard: Why did they break up?
Me: Cause she’s an asshat. 9/11 brought them back together. And Newleyweds and Chicken of The Sea tore them apart.