*The following piece of literature is an article I wrote for a possible writing gig but it wasn’t raunchy enough for their taste. Fair enough. But I still felt like it should be shared with the world of my readers:
The Walk of Shame. Is It Really That Shameful?
If you’re a halfway decent-looking human being, or appear to be so after six shots of Patron, you’re likely guilty of hooking up, passing out in a bed that isn’t yours and then performing your very own version of the Walk of Shame the next morning.
Walk Of Shame: the act of walking/stumbling/crawling home in the morning after spending the night getting down with someone at their place, likely where heavy amounts of liquor were consumed. This legendary morning odyssey is more often than not performed by females, in twisted, crumpled versions of the tube dresses they were looking hot in the night before. Sometimes, in the case of a more considerate or generous suitor, the female is given an over-sized t-shirt and pair of basketball shorts for her journey home. Most prevalent on college campuses, these daybreak drifters can be identified further by teetering stilettos, smudged eye make-up, and disheveled heaps of uncombed hair.
The Walk of Shame, as indicated by its clear and concise title, is apparently supposed to be a disgraceful, horrendous and appalling act of Slutism. In actuality though, The Walk Of Shame is pretty fucking awesome.
What is so shameful about proclaiming to passer-buyers that you got laid last night? Sure, you may reek of booze and sure you’re wearing your club clothes at 8:00 a.m.but you just had sex and the people driving by judging you did not. You’re the winner. And for this, you should be crossing the street triumphantly, working those mismatched heels and gym shorts like a Brazilian supermodel.
The Walk of Shame should be viewed more as an act of the independent, modern-day woman; you voluntarily slept with your lab partner and now you’re voluntarily walking home, emerging as an unscathed champion in the life quest for sex. Perhaps if we were all just a little more supportive and a little less judgmental of other people getting action, we’d be getting a lot more action of our own. And then we could all high-five each other in solidarity Sunday mornings on our Walks of Shame Game.